Occasionally people get offended at my stories. I don't mean to offend anybody, but several months ago I wrote a story about passing gas and some people got real upset that I would discuss such a thing in public. I kind of wondered if the people who complained were some of the same people who go to a movie and laugh at sexual humor or maybe they throw out a cuss word once in a while. The way I see it, if you can't laugh about passing gas you must be pretty bored!
Well this is one of those stories. No, it's not about passing gas. It's about babies and poopie diapers. I have shared one of these before, but a good story is like a good steak. You can always go back for seconds.
When my daughter was a little baby and still in diapers she was sitting on my knee in church one Sunday morning. I was supporting her bottom side with one hand and supporting her head, neck, and back area with the other, allowing her to sit upright.
My temple began to itch a little bit, so I scratched my temple with the inside heel of my palm and promptly placed my hand back under her bottom. After a few seconds I could tell it was diaper changing time, but the smell was extra strong. I suddenly realized not only was her diaper dirty, but so was my temple! We quickly made an exit to the restroom!
I still remember when a young man I know was just a toddler. Years ago I would have given you his name, but now he is old enough to be embarrassed when an old guy like me uses his name in the paper. My new buddy couldn't say his own name when this occurred.
He had just learned to walk, was trying his best to talk and was very proud that he had began potty training at the time! One day his mom walked into the bedroom and promptly found this young man standing in the middle of the bed and he had taken his own diaper off! Quite an accomplishment for such a young man who had only just begun potty training. The only problem, however, is it seemed he hadn't learned the purpose of the potty yet as he was standing in the middle of the bed and he proudly did number one and number two on the bed sheets! Oh well, at least his heart was in it. If he can just get his brain to function and put two plus two together he will go a long way in life.
I know that almost all parents have dealt with one potty disaster or another. Diapers that leak, diapers get taken off by the kids, things fall out of diapers onto areas where the things that fall out of diapers are not supposed to touch, wet stuff, runny stuff, stuff up the back and down the legs – we have probably all dealt with them at one time or another. I guess one of the worst stories I remember being told about babies and poop is about my good friend Raggy Butt. Since some of you will know who Raggy Butt is I will tell you that this story comes from his sisters. I have heard several versions over the years, so it has to be true.
It seems when he was little and taking a bath with another family member, someone had deposited some floaties in the water. As they surfaced to the top Raggy Butt was caught squishing them between his fingers and he was… well, he put them in his, in his mo… Oh well, you know! Really, really gross. That is a lot worse than the cattle cubes, dog food, rabbit food and all the other nasty stuff some guys have eaten.
I'm sure you have heard this before but it kind of reminds me about the story of the little boy who took raisins to his schoolteacher every day for several weeks. One day he arrived without any raisins for his teacher and the teacher inquired about why no raisins were left today. He promptly told the teacher his rabbit had died!