This is a true story! The names in this article have not been changed to protect anyone. Nobody is guilty of anything except the perpetrator of this crime. I confess! I did it!

It was a bright, sunny day during the month of September 1957. I was spending my first day on the playground at Tomball Lutheran School on Hicks Street in Tomball. I was a young lad of 5 years old and in the first grade. I was always the runt of my class. Big ears and skinny.

So skinny you could count the rib bones in my chest. It’s not that my mama didn’t feed me, it’s just the way God made me back then. (Where are you God? What’s happened to me now? )

I was enjoying something we called recess in which all of the children were allowed to go outside and play. Just having fun, rollin’ in the dirt, swinging in the swings, playing flag football, playing Red Rover and all of the other games we used to play back then.

The air was bright and crisp and my eye had caught the attention of a young lady. An older woman named Janice. You see, I was a first grader and she was already in the second grade. She was my upper classmate and I had not yet learned the proper playground etiquette in which first graders were still little babies and the second graders were already veterans of war.

After seeing this apple of my eye, I proceeded to attempt a very despicable and dastardly move. I attempted to plant a kiss of affection on this young lady. I never got quite close enough because she seemed to be faster than me. I guess it was because she was older than me and had longer legs. (I was real short then, too!)

After two or three attempts at chasing my new beauty queen down for a smoocher, I was suddenly approached by her boyfriend, Mark. Mark took a very manly second grade position with me and firmly attempted to plant the old fist in the stomach routine.

Fortunately, Mark was twice as tall as me and his punch landed more in my ribcage than in the soft part of my stomach. It hurt, but I left Janice alone, deciding like a bantam rooster in the hen house to go on with my life without another attempted kiss because the older rooster had whipped me.

I didn’t miss any ice cream parties for my actions because the teachers didn’t catch me. I must confess the release of this load from my mind has made me a free man again. It’s nice to know this simple act of this first grader has not warped my mind for the past 50-plus years of my life. Janice had a happy marriage for double digit years and her husband has since passed away. Mark is also married and is also a respected minister and I am still me, just as I was as a first grader, (except in size, of course) happy-go-lucky and always out for a laugh. I am pleased, however, with this confession. I can once again walk free of guilt for this devious act of harassment on the playground.

Clifford Parker

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this comment's feed